Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
