God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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