i barfeds in our rink
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
