you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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