need another drink. this is the easiest way
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i need some magic done to my vagina
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
