I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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