i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
