Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
