By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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