Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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