He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
