LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
