Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
