My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
These tits shall not be calmed
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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