i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
