Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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