Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
