Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize