When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
