He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
