I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
