absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How does one acquire holy water?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
