She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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