If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
