just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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