Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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