I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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