Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
