I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
