Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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