i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
