Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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