JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
