Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
