well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
