It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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