DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
