I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
