And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
