Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
