btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
