we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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