This house was built for laser tag.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
