Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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