like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
