She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
