i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
