I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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