Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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