you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
