you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
