A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
