Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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