Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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