i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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