i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
