It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
