he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
only if we run a train.
done.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
