The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
