I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
