I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
