It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We left an ass print on the piano.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
