just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
