The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
