I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
