So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
