So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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