if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
